“Finding a place - Where are you from?”

Photo credit: What is a third culture kid? (2017)

 “Finding a place - Where are you from?” 

By: Emilio Salaverry

When living in the United States, I never felt “American enough”. Similarly, when I moved back to Peru, once again, I had a feeling of rootlessness, not belonging, and not being “Peruvian enough”. Still till this day, I am always asked by my fellow Peruvians or foreigners, where are you from? Sometimes, I ask them to guess and they tell me all kinds of nationalities except for Peruvian or American. Again, confusion and a feeling of not belonging surrounds me. However, a good friend of mine gave me a book titled “Third Culture Kids - Growing Up Among Worlds”. Reading the book, I finally felt understood, my rootlessness was finally grasped and I realized I was a Third Culture Kid (TCK). This term was coined by Ruth Hill Useem in the 1950s, “for children who spend their formative years in places that are not their parents’ homeland.” The good news is that there are a lot of us out there, some very famous like Barack Obama and Colin Firth, others like my brother or missionaries friends I have met throughout the years. Now, there are wonderful things that come with being a TCK, but at the same time, there are some hardships. 

My experience as a TCK has definitely made me more culturally aware. For example, I moved to the US when I was four just about to turn five, so I went straight to pre-k. In the first half of the school year I was taken out of the English speaking classes and went to ESOL classes. In retrospect it was like a pre-k UN Assembly. I was surrounded by kids from different countries like Puerto Rico, Colombia, Haiti, Jamaica, Brazil, etc. Now, I know I was five, but being able to hop in and out of classes, integrating with kids with different nationalities only fed my curiosity to explore “the different”, understand different perspectives and appreciate all of this to better perceive the world. Like my brother always says, “Miami is the capital of Latin America”. Now, I would say it is the capital of the Americas. My best friends growing up were Colombian, Jamaican, Cuban, and Haitian. So, experiencing their food, customs, traditions and family life only made me open-minded to their culture and personal histories. I am never going to forget Arepas, Jamaican patties, “ropa vieja”. These experiences also made me appreciate my personal culture and history. Finally, I will forever be thankful for the ESOL classes that made me engage with kids from around the world. This made me realize that the world is not small, but huge and it has a lot to offer. 

Also, growing up in the States with a single mom of two kids made us susceptible to change; as a result, this made me more flexible to the unknown. During my formative years, I went to five different publics schools. These schools did not have any new student programs or protocols. So, I just got thrown into the lion’s den. In five different opportunities, I was the new kid from another country. In various situations, I had to make new friends, understand new teaching methodologies, meet new teachers, incorporate myself in new sports teams, etc. Once again, in retrospect, I see the fruits of this experience now. Back in Peru, I was able to fit in and finish my college degree. I remember being 21 years old studying with 17 or 18 year olds, I couldn’t relate to them much, but I was able to make some life memories. Plus some of my best friends are from college (in Peru), especially the most important person in my life, my wife. I remember, going out with college friends and not knowing the lyrics to songs, but I didn’t let that get to me and still enjoyed my time out. Or not knowing my “futbol” history, so I couldn't really have sports conversations with the boys. I know my MLB, NBA, and NFL history pretty well, but I had to learn about “futbol”, so I can be involved in these conversations. This has even manifested in my career path. Pre-Peru, I always wanted to work in marketing or public relations, but out of necessity, I started teaching English and this led me to find my calling in education. I work at a wonderful school, teach Social Studies and engage with young people everyday. This keeps me alive, on my toes and ready for change and welcome what the world has in store for me. Being capable of confronting change has allowed me to find and appreciate opportunities to grow as a husband, father, educator, overall as a person. 

Now, all the experiences mentioned above were very beneficial and meaningful in my life. But being a TCK is not all roses, you know. When it comes down to it, I’m never going to be American or Peruvian enough; I´m always going to be in the middle (just like my political views). But it’s hard to cope with the feeling of not belonging anywhere. On many occasions, I have felt like I had to prove my Peruvianness or Americanness to others when my identity or ability has come into question. Also, going to new places and not knowing anyone while everyone knows each other is difficult; it’s hard always being the one that needs to approach people first and have to worry about first impressions. On the other hand, one of my pet peeves is moving; I’ve moved and helped move so much that I don’t like it anymore. One of the reasons why is that I know with moves come goodbyes (despedidas). I’ve said so many goodbyes throughout my life that I can’t handle many more. It is hard making connections, engaging, doing life, being vulnerable with others and then they pick up and go. You definitely try to stay in contact with each other, but life gets in the way. And that might be the hardest part for me, I know it is going to be nearly impossible to stay in contact. Sometimes, I feel like it is better not to get involved so that life can go easy on me. I know this is my fear and trauma talking, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true and it doesn’t mean that with every welcoming comes with a goodbye. Now that I think about it, this is the reason why it is so important for me to plant roots wherever I go, so as to always come back to them and treasure the memories created there. 

In conclusion, I believe everything happens for a reason and adds significance to your life, but being a TCK has its perks and downsides. Growing up in different cultures has definitely made me a better person, it has taught me how to confront change, be more open-minded towards other cultures, at the same time, there’s a feeling of not fully belonging to a specific place or being enough.