After the not so pleasant memories in my early years, my “first” memories were of my mom working two jobs, one at Publix and another at a restaurant (don’t remember the name). However, I do remember that she would leave early and not come back until late at night dressed in her cashier uniform, not knowing she had been working for more than 8 hours, I would beg her to stay; now I understand, she was checking up on us and bringing us food and snacks. These of course were late night snacks; Cheetos, Fritos and Lays Potatoes Chips. Still, this did not fill the void of knowing that she was about to leave all night to work the cash register, without knowing English and without being aware of everything else she lacked. To be honest, I will probably never know what she needed. Let’s be clear, I would cry and hold on to her legs, so that she wouldn't leave, but I understand now; she had to go, we had to pay rent, eat, go to school and survive. It’s 2021 and we are still here, still fighting, still surviving, while people choke from lack of oxygen and opportunities; we endure. Something I want to let my mom know is; while it was difficult to make the mortgage and car payments, I had no idea that we didn’t have enough because we always had enough food, clothes, love, care and education. I am also thankful for the way my mother emplefied the ideas of never giving up and always reinventing herself. She went from cashier, waiter, business owner, professional, to moving to an island and surviving. Currently, she is still grinding, but always looking for the next move, forgetting the past and embracing the future. As a result, her hard work was a life lesson that I try to imitate everyday in my life.
Now, temptation and the Devil has always been present, but I have to be thankful that she, my single mother, always prayed for me. I must admit, I thought she was a superhuman, but her superhuman strength was not possible without a super God; I understand now. I know, she was praying for me. I certainly could have been dead or in jail. In fact, I did visit a detention center and lost a couple of friends, but she was always there for me, praying, looking for opportunities for me not to get consumed by distractions, visiting me in the detention center, and confronting my demons together. It is okay, I know it was painful, but her prayer and God’s plan kept me from danger. I can’t imagine her stress and anxiety after losing my best friend to a gunshot everytime I didn’t come home at midnight; no wonder she couldn’t sleep, but maybe she got used to the anxiety and uncertainty. Yet, I know she had always been praying for me, that is why I am above ground. The temptation seduces and it is present constantly, but why am I here and some aren’t? I understand now. It is simple, it is because my single mother had been praying for me. Finally, her prayer and our super God made me realize it wasn’t worth it, the risk, the thrill, the luck was not worth it; however, her faith and willingness to succeed taught me what was worth living for.
I have saved the best for last, but not the easiest. This superwomen raised two men on her own. Yes, I did not take full advantage of the education she provided for me; I could have gone to a magnet school. She was obviously angry with me for not accepting MAST Academy's invitation, but I decided to go to Coral Gables, for the fun of it. I mean, I should have accepted the invitation, but she never abandoned me, she never kicked me out, she never stopped loving me and never stopped supporting my decisions. Was it my best moment? Probably not, but she was there for me; she loved me unconditionally. She also raised me right because I know what a woman's worth is. For example, I know how a man can take advantage of women and not love her for who she is, but what she can offer. Now, I know that a woman can provide for children on her own. Of course it would have been ideal if two, husband and wife, striving for the same goals and aspirations, could have provided for us, but I sit down and reflect on the following; does it mean you failed if you didn’t have a mother and a father; no it doesn’t. These difficulties are part of my story and some of the reasons why I have become the man and husband I am today. I´m thankful, I reminisce, and I understand now. Honestly, I got to break some rules, and disappoint some, but before my wife, I had my single mother believing in me; my number one fan. Thanks to my mom, I know what it takes to love a woman, work on a marriage, build a family and lean on unconditional love. If I keep my family together, I know she will be proud, she has to be because it is what she did; she kept us united. It does not matter if my brother is in China, my mother is in Panama and I’m back in the motherland; Peru. I know that I have become the man I am man because of the care and love of my single mother. She raised two independent men on her own and did not back down from the challenge. That is how I live life, I am not going to back down; I understand now.
To end this, I have to quote one of the greatest poets to walk the earth “I finally understand for a woman it ain’t easy trying to raise a man” (Shakur, Tupac). Your hard work, faith and determination to raise two boys will be a life lesson that I will welcome everyday; I just don’t understand how you did it, but Tupac said “there’s no way I can pay you back, but my plan is to show you that I understand¨.
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